Yes it's really this simple.
Often the simplest solution isn't actually simple in practice because of our 'stuff' that's getting in our way. Which is OK!! It's ok not to feel you don't know how, or to need a reminder.
If focusing on what you don't want to happen (anxiety / worry) has become the norm it's definitely worth asking yourself:
🤔How is this working out for me?"
🤔What feelings arise when I focus on what I don't want to happen?
🤔Am I able to live freely, with focus, energy and joy?
🤔Would I like to feel differently and focus on what I do want?
This IS possible. However we need to understand / remind ourselves of four things to get there:
🔸The Body (autonomic nervous system function)
🔸The Brain
🔸How to Change Your Feelings: self regulation
🔸How to Change your Thoughts
The Body
Right now we are in survival mode: 'sympathetic n/s mode' - fight / flight / freeze / facade. We've got the hormones (adrenaline & cortisol) flooding our systems and we are hyper vigilant to threat. We don't feel safe. We feel overwhelmed. We feel angry/frustrated. We feel out of control. We desperately want this to be over NOW.
Our body doesn't feel safe.
We need to de-active this hyper-aroused state and shift gears to the 'parasympathetic n/s mode' - rest/digest. This is where we DO feel calm, focused, rational, safe.
The Brain
There’s an evolutionary program running! We focus on bad things and overlook good things is likely a result of evolution. Earlier in human history, paying attention to bad, dangerous, and negative threats in the world was literally a matter of life and death. Those who were more attuned to danger and who paid more attention to the bad things around them were more likely to survive.
This meant they were also more likely to hand down the genes that made them more attentive to danger. The evolutionary perspective suggests that this tendency to dwell on the negative more than the positive is simply one way the brain tries to keep us safe.”
How to Change Feelings:
🔸Relax the muscles in your face and jaw, soften the throat, swallow and breathe into your belly.
🔸If this feels hard, try breathing in through the nose for a count of 3 and out of the mouth for longer than 3 in a 'sigh'.
🔸Hum, sing, splash cold water on your face.
🔸Talk to a coach, counsellor, therapist
🔸Try writing down your thoughts and feelings on paper
How to Change Your Thoughts:
🔸Become conscious of your thoughts
🔸Ask "Is this thought helping me focus on what I do want or what I don't want?"
🔸Pause and notice your answer
🔸Make a conscious CHOICE - you CAN choose your thoughts
🔸Repeat as you need to.
Focus on what you DO want and be kind to yourself. If you forget or you find it hard, THAT'S OK! Pause, rest, be gentle and try again the next day.
You've got this!