“Everyone fails at who they are supposed to be. The measure of a person is how well they succeed at being who they are.” Queen Sigga - Thor’s Mother, from the movie Avengers Endgame
The world we live in so seductive. We are so connected through the most subconscious marketing to what we desire more of. What we need more of.
I was scrolling through the most beautifully curated Instagram feed a couple of weeks ago before I went on holiday, of a pair of Australian artists. The filters were gorgeous - so full of light. The colours. The vibe - really bohemian. They have their dog, their baby, live in a part of Australia a part of me would love to live in. They have a gorgeous wooden home with big windows surrounded by lush greenery. And they seem to be the perfect polarity of feminine and masculine. I was seduced.
This tapped into a long-held wish to live in Australia (or North California), with a lot of sunshine, in the countryside but near the ocean. This has come from a series of trips to both places and me romanticising how my life would be there. I would have a partner, we would be artistic and create, coach, study and teach yoga, meditate each morning and I would write. We would have animals, maybe children, definitely a campervan. My life would look like this couple’s Instagram feed in essence.
I was completely seduced. Actually what that tapped into was a feeling within me. That of my own ‘nature’ (the universe within me), the freedom that comes with that deep connection to self and the feeling of alignment I feel when I create and write.
In that period of seduction, not once did I stop to see what was already all around me. The abundance of my jungle of houseplants, my mini allotment outside with the veggies and fruit growing so perfectly. The love that I receive constantly from Connie and Mo, my family, my friends and the community of friends that gather with me to practice yoga and meditation and honouring ourselves at a deeper level. My health, the roof over my head, money in the bank. My personal safety. My privilege.
Pondering this, while making breakfast, I remembered this teaching from Queen Sigga to her son Thor, who in that moment had lost purpose, hope, he was out of shape mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. A bit like many of us at times during the Covid pandemic. And his Mother, the archetypal feminine, held space for him with tenderness, but also honesty reminding him to look within for his light, for his inspiration, for his dreams.
The yogis say that the world we mostly experience is Maya - illusory, like a layer of mist that clouds our vision - we can’t see clearly what’s really there.
What’s really there is the present moment. This is the absolute essence of all existence. Being Present. In Sanskrit ‘ksana’ means the infinitesimal space between each moment - such tiny moments beyond our senses. The moments between each moment. This is what’s happening. This is what’s really here. A series of moments that are only ever what’s there. A series of moments that are only ever NOW. The past and future are only ever NOW. They don’t really exist.
This isn’t to say that I don’t harbour my dream of living in Australia or Northern California - that’s still there underneath everything, but I’m also clear that everytime I focus on someone else’s life I ignore mine. And that’s disconnecting from my life story, from my challenges, from my successes, from my dreams. It’s disconnecting from all that’s gone before and all that’s here right now.
Those moments of emptiness we feel, and may numb out with phones, or busyness, or drink, or food, or cigarettes, or denial - those moments of emptiness we all feel at some point, indicate an existential ‘hole’. A disconnection from who we are - from our nature, from our true identity. Spiritualists may call this the soul, scientists may call it ego or self. It doesn’t need a name because that’s the problem. Trying to find something with words that is beyond words. It’s a sense, an awareness, a consciousness that exists beyond description. That we have disconnected from.
What’s the answer? That’s the million dollar question my friend.
For me an awareness that this dream state has a positive and negative side. An awareness that living in the real world means being here NOW. And to be here now for me involves me not being attached to a mobile or electronic device. It means for me being completed immersed in something. This can be cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning my flat, tending my allotment, watering my houseplants, writing, teaching yoga & meditation, practising yoga and meditation, being with family and friends in real time, walking in nature, looking at the stars.. Feet on the earth is my favourite.
What if the answers we seek aren’t complicated. What if they come from a place of stillness and peace to teach us how to be. To just be here NOW.